I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
