he thought i was a dude.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
