4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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