Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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