if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
