what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize