eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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