I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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