I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
