she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think my fart just growled at me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
