walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
