we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
