She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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