Duck Duck Cougar?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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