I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
