Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
