i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
