Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
third nipple confirmed
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
