they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
