remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
