I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
