I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
