I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
