There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
