i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize