I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
