I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
