OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
