i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
