By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
