It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I want to have your abortion
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
