i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
