shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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