wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize