I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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