I am puke
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
