porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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