Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
