i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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