I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
