WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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