Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
