If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I didn't notice because vodka
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
