he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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