take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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