New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
