Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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