I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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