i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
