True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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