I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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