1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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