The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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