Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
