Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Farmville is her only friend.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
