I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
