Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
