there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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