I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
