I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
