You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
