Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
