all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
