I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
