mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
