Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
