I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
